It was 15 years ago today since our Dad died, our family remember and honour him each in our own ways.
Today these were some of my thoughts.
It doesn't feel like it was 15 years ago, Moana my youngest child was only 2 years old, and my eldest son Toby was 15. I know it was that long but it often feels like yesterday, I still feel this pain, it still feels unfair, and still I grieve for the loss of a most significant and influential person in my life.
So much has changed in our world. I often wonder how Dad would have responded and what he would have made of all of it.
My goodness! The America's Cup so different, and Dad being a dedicated yachtsman he would have been in awe of the speed and changes over time. Plus super pleased NZ won the Cup. I remember when I got married in 1986, the lead up to the America's Cup regatta in Fremantle was just as important as the wedding (according to Dad and my Husband).
Technology, what the heck would he have said about my device addiction let alone the grandchildren? One thing I know is true for Dad is that he would have been interested and had a go at trying it all out, then he would have made his mind about it all.
I think he would have been disappointed in our world and how much hate, judgement, terror and pain is apparent. He would have despaired with the politicians in power, the changes in America with the President Trump in the leadership. I know he would be grateful his son and our brother has moved back to New Zealand from the US.
Wow! Dad would be so excited and loving the three babies who have graced our lives in the last year (and one growing inside his Mummy). They bring us the faith, hope and motivation to make our world a better place. Plus laughter, who cannot resist babies smiles and laughing? Not me!
Our Dad would feel so sad about our family who have left this world: our sister Jane and cousin Nina. The grief and pain of loss is so difficult to be with, so hard we would do anything to not feel this loss. This week we are also holding the awareness and space of knowing the imminent passing on of dear Uncle Bill, friend, rebel, artist, family man, protester, teacher, lover of life, people, freedom and laughter.
What a loss to the world these special people are. We miss them and hold dear in our heart who they are to us, love them no matter if we get to hug them or not.
I treasure and remember all of who they are: the dark and the light. This includes the privilege experiencing the grief, loss and pain because it reminds me of how to live well doing the best I can.
I miss you Dad, as I know all my family does.
Breathing In and Breathing Out. I'm doing OK.
Photo: Wedding morning 1986