Last weekend I had a nasty stomach

bug that has seemed to have flattened people throughout Timaru.

Like Dominoes, we were all were being knocked down with awful symptoms and a long recovery process.

The most difficult part for me of this sickness was the fact I was facilitating a Mindfulness 1-Day course on Saturday.

My process went like this:

Friday night stomach cramps: My thoughts went 'It will go away soon, it was probably something I ate, stupid me eating shitty fast food from a cafe.' Saturday 6.30am: My thoughts went 'No way can I run a course for the day, let alone stand up and talk. Plus I'll make everyone else super sick, then I'll be in massive trouble for making everyone sick, they'll all hate me and no-one will ever come to MindfulMe again.'

So my only choice was to cancel.

Thankfully my kind supportive 18 year old daughter Moana was able to contact everyone, cancel catering, explain everything was due to sickness and pass on sincere apologies. I am very proud of her ability to step in and take control of the situation, even driving to venue to ensure no-one turned up. I was in bed sick for the next 4 days, my internal self-criticisms and judgements ramped up, leading me on the downward spiral, being harder on myself and feeling more crap on top of the crap was already feeling. Plus got some not so positive responses from others, reinforcing my internal I'm doing shit stuff thoughts.

Wow, this was not going well. I didn't have anything else to do being in bed alone except obsessive thinking and feeling. So I started looking at what was going on inside my crazy thought process.

This is my reflection:

Sometimes I get sick, I’m not a super perfect human beingI’m going to have to cancel stuff, this doesn’t mean I am irresponsible or have a lack of integrityI talk about self-kindness and self-care being most important - I have to model this - Walk my Talk!I am so grateful for my health and being well most of the timeBreathing in and out is sometimes all I can do (especially through tummy cramps)I can’t do it on my own - I need my community, whanau and support systemBe patient - getting well takes time and I can’t speed it upCompassion for myself (and others) has helped me through the hard stuff

This has totally reinforced all I am trying to practice and bring into teaching. I'm grateful for these crappy life challenges, that helps to deepen my own awareness, the need for kindness, self-compassion and compassion for others. This is an ongoing... I'm trying to make sense of this shit and live life in the best way I can.

Phew, this is super hard. I'm giving myself a hug right now, hope you do too. Pass it on.

It was 15 years ago today since our Dad died, our family remember and honour him each in our own ways.

Today these were some of my thoughts.

It doesn't feel like it was 15 years ago, Moana my youngest child was only 2 years old, and my eldest son Toby was 15. I know it was that long but it often feels like yesterday, I still feel this pain, it still feels unfair, and still I grieve for the loss of a most significant and influential person in my life.

So much has changed in our world. I often wonder how Dad would have responded and what he would have made of all of it.

My goodness! The America's Cup so different, and Dad being a dedicated yachtsman he would have been in awe of the speed and changes over time. Plus super pleased NZ won the Cup. I remember when I got married in 1986, the lead up to the America's Cup regatta in Fremantle was just as important as the wedding (according to Dad and my Husband).Technology, what the heck would he have said about my device addiction let alone the grandchildren? One thing I know is true for Dad is that he would have been interested and had a go at trying it all out, then he would have made his mind about it all.I think he would have been disappointed in our world and how much hate, judgement, terror and pain is apparent. He would have despaired with the politicians in power, the changes in America with the President Trump in the leadership. I know he would be grateful his son and our brother has moved back to New Zealand from the US.Wow! Dad would be so excited and loving the three babies who have graced our lives in the last year (and one growing inside his Mummy). They bring us the faith, hope and motivation to make our world a better place. Plus laughter, who cannot resist babies smiles and laughing? Not me!Our Dad would feel so sad about our family who have left this world: our sister Jane and cousin Nina. The grief and pain of loss is so difficult to be with, so hard we would do anything to not feel this loss. This week we are also holding the awareness and space of knowing the imminent passing on of dear Uncle Bill, friend, rebel, artist, family man, protester, teacher, lover of life, people, freedom and laughter.

What a loss to the world these special people are. We miss them and hold dear in our heart who they are to us, love them no matter if we get to hug them or not.

I treasure and remember all of who they are: the dark and the light. This includes the privilege experiencing the grief, loss and pain because it reminds me of how to live well doing the best I can.

I miss you Dad, as I know all my family does.

Breathing In and Breathing Out. I'm doing OK.

Photo: Wedding morning 1986

I love Sunday mornings! The mostly grown up children go off to work by 9.30am and I am left home alone to sit in bed with my cup of tea, read whatever book or ebook I have beside me. I can hear the sounds of people outside doing their Sunday activities, walking or running past my window, cars driving along on a mission to somewhere. The birds singing, happy the sun is shining and the day is warm.

Sunday is a day I like to breath deeply into, spend some time appreciating how the last week went. Today my gratitude is that I am feeling well after almost two weeks of un-wellness both physically and mentally.

I used to spend the weekend cramming as much as possible into two days and by Sunday evening I would feel exhausted and a failure for not achieving all I had on my to do list.

It has taken me years to NOT listen to the voice in my head 'Bossy Christine' who tells me to get on with it and stop lazing around. I know now that voice is not my friend and does not have my self-care as a priority.

I say to myself 'What serves you today, what do you need in order to feel cared for, relaxed, replenished?' I then start slowly, by having a cup of tea in bed, reading something I enjoy, breathing in and breathing out, listening to the sounds of the world around me.

I know I am in a privileged position of having mostly grown up children and so do not have to get up and feed little people. If you are one of the many parents who have a very busy morning schedule - is there someway you can slow down and make Sunday a day for relaxing, for replenishing, a day where the schedule is not adhered to and having a cup of tea in bed is ok, pancakes for breakfast and staying in PJs are allowed until noon...Movies and colouring in is prioritised and not the long to-do lists.

Can you take 5 minutes to breathe in and relax your mind and body, take a rest, give yourself some self-care. What does that look like to you? Can you ensure you have a a few moments or maybe a couple of hours to reset and replenish yourself.

Be kind to you. Be your own best friend.

What are the moments you can find beauty in over the next few weeks?

What are the small things you want to do more often?Identify the moments you plan to celebrate, the small stuff and the big whopping big amazing ones.Create a good start to your day - what makes you feel energised and ready in the mornings? Check-in time. Consider your 5 most important values and re-evaluate how you are actively living these values.Plan some YOU time over the next few weeks. Use this time to breathe, daydream, draw, write...Create a vision of you living a life worth living. We all have different ideas of what that would mean. But what does it mean for you? Choose you! That means being kind to yourself. Everyday give yourself a hug and acknowledge that you are an exceptional human being.Notice and savour the imperfections of everyday life. The funny stuff that happens when we least expect it.Cultivate an attitude of Gratitude. Little things matter. Notice them and grow your 'thanfulness' muscle. Strengthen your positive neural pathways, creating healthy mind habits. Take 10 minutes of your day and make it count. Practice Mindfulness. Relax the body, still the mind. Get in the Flow. What are your Flow moments. Find the things that make your soar and feel alive. Incorporate them into your day, week and life. Share them with others. If you had an extra hour what would you do? Start planning...Take a walk, look around, breathe in, breathe out. Be here now.